(First published as a community column in The Huntsville Times on March 9, 2008)We moved to Huntsville 15 years ago this month. Back then, what I really wanted was a reliable newcomer’s guide. There are probably folks migrating to Huntsville from northern Virginia as part of the BRAC move who feel the same way. Maybe some of them will even read this column.
If so, then relax. As a native Virginian, I feel your dislocation. Allow me to be your guide:
When driving to Huntsville, enter from the east. Cross Monte Sano and behold beautiful Jones Valley and the stunning view of downtown Huntsville. You’ll experience many happy memories of those weekend getaways in the Shenandoah Valley.
Don’t enter from the west via U.S. 72 and hang a right on South Memorial Parkway like I did the first time I came to town. The heavy commercialization and the sight of all those billboards will make you want to get away from Huntsville.
Expect an inconsistent architectural theme to the city. We have more than our fair share of structural gems, such as the ante-bellum homes in the Twickenham District and the charming old churches and business buildings downtown. But be warned - when you pass our courthouse and City Hall, avert your gaze.
Shorter commutes
Prepare to have extra time on your hands from shorter commutes. The natives complain about “the traffic,” but they exaggerate. If you build your 4,000-square-foot dream home in a former cotton field in the boonies of Monrovia, though, you might find yourself having some Beltway flashbacks.
Learn to love barbecue. It’s a little known fact of history that the Saturn V rocket, our town totem, was not powered by liquid hydrogen but instead by pulled pork. Those nerdy NASA guys in the short-sleeve white shirts and skinny black ties who sent us to the moon back in the 1960s ate tons of the stuff. Combining barbecue with sweet tea produces an especially potent fuel.
Remember this name: Wernher von Braun. Go to wikipedia.com and memorize his entry. Everything is about him and named after him. He is THE MAN. And it’s pronounced von “BROWN” not von “BRAWN.” I never had trouble remembering that, but you might.
If you’re a Christian, boy are you going to be blessed! You can stand in any spot in the city and hit three or four different churches with a rock - and you won’t even need a sling.
They know you’re coming, so prepare to be wooed with new building additions, a deluge of mail-outs and TV commercials, potlucks galore and a program for your every spiritual/suburban need. If you’re of a different religious persuasion, you may have to search harder to find some fellowship, but Huntsville’s still got you covered.
If you must criticize someone, please don’t do so directly like you’re accustomed to up north. Instead, insert the phrase “bless his/her heart” when making any potentially negative comment. You can practically get away with slander if you just remember to say those magic words.
If you want your kids to become National Merit Scholars and be taught by first-rate teachers, then be sure to enroll them at that 1960s architectural “uh-oh” known as Grissom High School. Remember, there’s more to a school than its windowless facade and the portable “classroom” units sitting out front. Bless their hearts.
The dividing line
You had the Washington Redskins, but down here we have real football. Families, neighborhoods and churches have been known to divide along the fault line of Alabama vs. Auburn. I would suggest that you remain neutral as long as possible.
Of course, the day may come when one of your kids may enroll in one of those fine institutions of higher learning and, like me, you’ll find yourself yelling, “Roll Tide, Roll!” even though Huntsville is nowhere near the Gulf of Mexico.
No, we’re far from perfect. But don’t be surprised if, despite The Rocket City’s occasional quirks, you fall in love with the place anyway.
As I’ve discovered, Huntsville is still a great place to live.
No comments:
Post a Comment